To the non-Scandinavian students who are curious of what it is like to study and live in Sweden, I thought I’d drop you a quick message about winter.
It is indeed coming, and we are beginning to feel the brunt of the cold weather and short daylight hours.
Among the people from warmer countries I’ve talked to, the biggest bummer is actually not the lower temperatures, but the long, dark nights that come with winter in the higher latitudes.
(I personally don’t feel the same: I can enjoy nighttime. For me, it is the grey skies of autumn that slowly sap my joy and will. That’s partly why I moved back to Sweden from the UK, where I did my undergrad.)
The lack of sunshine probably adds to a sense of home sickness that strikes some students. It is a tough time.
I wish I had a more cheerful message than the standard ones of
- ‘winter doesn’t last forever’
- ‘it’ll get better’
- ‘you’ll appreciate the good times more after this’
- ‘suffering builds character’
- ‘it’ll harden you’
Many of these probably aren’t that appealing — maybe mostly to semi-masochists like me — but they are nevertheless entirely true.
However true these are, and however blissful the bright side is, it is not easy to remember during the dark times. And this, I believe, is where the real challenge is hidden: the need for comfort, distraction, to feel good in the moment, tempts us to shrink and shrivel in our beds or under blankets, and we forget to live our lives. And I believe this is the silent killer, the true darkness.
It is easy to forget the ecstatic feeling of persevering through tough times and seeing the other end, feeling strengthened by the experience and more deeply appreciative of the nicer times. The need to get out of immediate pain is usually more urgent and clouds our perspective.
That’s why I want to give you a challenge, or a gift, if you choose to see it that way.
I encourage you to start keeping a journal.
Every day that you’re struggling with the cold and darkness.
I always journal with a very specific format, that for me works better than just pouring out my scrambled mind onto paper. That’s like dumping garbage. My way is more like recycling.
I ask myself six specific questions, and make space for two examples or events to go under each.
- What have I learned today?
- What have I improved today?
- What have I enjoyed today?
- What gifts have I given today?
- What gifts have I been given today?
- What has been absolutely magical today?
Lately, I have also added one more question:
7. In what ways was I up against it?
By ‘up against it’ I mean the feeling that you’re up against a wall, dealing with something that’s just beyond your own comfort zone.
And that is my take on living fully. Not following your dreams or whims (most dreams are whims, if we’re real honest and search real deep), or doing only whatever makes you feel good or ‘passionate’. I used to think this way, but I got very disillusioned with it. That sort of life won’t make you truly, deeply fulfilled.
To me, if you’re not living at the edge of your comfort zone, you’re holding back. Living fully, to me, is being full in your experience and full in your giving.
None of that is always or even mostly enjoyable, or even comfortable.
I see fulfillment as a sort of ecstasy of living that doesn’t go away when it gets tough. I see true freedom as the ability to remain fulfilled no matter if I’m falling on my face, facing my fears or so exhausted I can barely stand upright.
As you can tell, I am somewhat insane. But I’d rather be a total nutter and fulfilled, than a reasonable person who settles for the easy life. I’m not sure where this post went, it turned into a personal rant, but I hope you found some value in it.
I’m not saying my thoughts are right, or the best. They work for me, but I doubt they are for anyone. It takes a certain kind of lunatic.
